There is a difference between being an effect at will and being an effect because you were forced to.
I’ll tell you a story.
One day I was comming home from college.I got into the trolley, took a seat by the window and watched trees and building we were passing by,and it seemed to me that
they were the ones that were passing by and I was the one who stood still.
It was so cold outside and so warm inside that my body got so lazy, I did not want to get up.Lots of people got off and the trolley kept on moving. I made an effort to leave but I could not. Watching as my stop is getting futher and futher away,I was about to start crying.I felt so
powerless, my body just sat there and there is nothing I could do about it.And I was trapped in the same space. I tryed and tryed to leave.And then I just gave up.
The trolley was circling around the town forever and I’ve lost sence of time. I did not care if my aunt is waiting
for me,I did not care I had important test the next day,I just was watching passing objects from the window and was not even trying to do anything.It seemed to me like everything was controled by somebody else.I sat there and sat
Untill the bus driver said something and I had no choice but to get up and walk home for a very-very long time.
I remembered that story because Last night I had a nightmare.
I dreamed that I was laying on the couch and I saw a rope with the loop at the end,hanging from the celing.I became
very curious, “Hmm,what’s that?” and without considering any danger,I lifted my legs up and put my both feet into the loop. And before I knew it,I was hanging from the celing, head down.
Then I began to swing from one side to another and spin slowly.I made an effort to stop but I failed,over and over.
Then strange things started happening in my house,the walls were cracking and everything was crushing as if it was the end of the world.
I wanted to stop and end this, but instead everything started
to spin faster, a real confussion,then the walls came down and I saw a lot of things outside that I wanted to stop but I just could not.I felt very helpless
. People were crying for help and I was suppose to be some kind of superhero.But instead, I was about to start crying for help myself.I got so confused about the priorities and was not sure who was more important:
me or them.
The faster I was spinning,the less and less I wanted to do something about it.
And I already knew what was suppose to happen next.
And just before I got into total confussion, I thought, “And whose falt was that? Whose idea
was to put the feet into the loop into the first place?” And then I realized,I had to do something about it.
Now!
And I woke up.
Whew.It was just a dream
